pondering this thing called life.

i tried to talk to some people tonight. i asked them, "have yall ever pondered life?" and they laughed at me, thinking i was joking around. but i was completely serious. have you? life is this vast thing, that NO ONE has a grip on.

there are sooooooo many variables to it. this could happen and as a result, THIS could happen, or something else. its perplexing. people talk about soul mates, but that's just fuckin improbable. there are BILLIONS of people on this rotating beach ball, and there just happens to be that ONEEEE person, you are destined to be with? i don't understand that one bit.

maybe that's what it is, its not that its complex, it's just the fact that i don't understand so many things that happen.

think about yourself, as a human being, now think about looking down at one person from an airplane that's 37,000 feet in the air. Now, imagine looking at that plane from a spaceship, what about looking at that spaceship from a galaxy far, far, away. we are a mere speck of dust in this universe. when i get to thinking about all of this, i freak out. its almost incomprehensible. i just confused myself from all of the confusion in this life.

just something that has been on my chest all night. this all came from me laying down, looking up at the moon. it looked like it was giving me the peace sign. hah, how nuts.

Dear Blog-A-Tron,

my, how long it has been. i've been grinding like crazy son. working, sleeping, working, blowing all my money. yeah. i have two jobs, yet STILL find a way to remain broke. sighhh. well i'm smiling if you have read this, but don't mind if you haven't. as if you we're going to read that part and realize that i don't mind.

music to check out: Childish Gambin0-Culdesac(is the mixtape name)--STS-Sole Music--Maroon 5-Hands All Over

that is all for now. IRON MAN 2 out on DVD/BLU-RAY tomorrow, you should cop that shit.
but yeah, that is all for now. somewhat more of a positive tone with this blog. i love you all. deeply.

hopefully, i'm serious this time.

i always have these "DEVINE REVELATIONS" early in the morning, plan to change my ways, and when i get up the next morning, i forget all about them.

hopefully, i really am serious about it this time. i just feel like i'm spiraling into this person, so familiar, but who i don't want to be. grr. i'm seriously going to attempt, as one part of the change, to stop drinking soda, TOTALLY! i tried it before, and realized without thinking, i went to order some food, and instinctively got soda. it shouldn't be like that. and my mind was like, well, it would be a shame to waste that! how terrible. i really hope that it goes well. and support is always welcome. shit, it's hard to do things without support. loves yall very much, especially if you read my blogs. sorry it's been a while since i last posted, been SOMEWHAT busy. drop love lines onto my phone, and i will kiss your face like an italian man. 843.819.4383

130 questions of FUN!

-130 questions, promise you won't lie?
maybe.
-Is the last person you texted single?
YES
-Do you get jealous easily?
OH YEAH!
-Are you wasting your time on the person you like?
nope
-What are you currently waiting for?
USA-GHANA! 2:30 PM!
-Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
future
-Who's the last guy you talked to?
in person, Eric.
-Be honest, have you cried recently? When? Why?
not so sure. but i prolly did.
-Honestly, do you really love the last person you said I love you too?
Yes. i DO love my mother!
-Is anything wrong with your eyes?
besides big BAGS under them, nope.
-Have you ever received a love letter more than a page long?
describe, "love letter", i mean, i have gotten 4 page letters, but not really, "love letters"
-Who's thinking about you right now?
she knows who she is.
-Last person you got a text from was who? What did it say?
Kendra- :( i miss my crush.
-Is this year the best year of your life?
i won't know til i'm dead.
-How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
FUCKING BOSS.<<(not my answer, but i loved it so much, i kept it)
-Do you go to the tanning bed on a regular basis?
fuck no!
-Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
oh yeah.
-July 4th or St. Patrick's Day?
i like the smell of fireworks.
-Are you comfortable with your height?
wish i was 4-6 inches taller.
-Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
possibly. imma tough cookie.
-Do you like thunderstorms?
FUCKIN BOSS!<<<(that is my answer, i like that term)
-Who is your current boyfriend/girlfriend?
my blackberry, its name is BlackBerry Bold 9000 White Edition.
-How fast does your mood change?
like an F1 car.
-Are there things that can't be joked about with you?
not really.
-What do you always take with you?
my current girlfriend, empty wallet with no cash.
-Anything on your walls?
shelves, flags.
-Do you crack your knuckles?
i crack my knuckles, neck,back,knees,ankles,wrist.
-Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?
not at all.
-Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
whale sharks.
-Does anyone know your passwords besides you?
maybe, i think my parents do, so as if i ever die, god forbid it be soon, they can read what people have to say, and to announce my death, as if it were me actually saying things.
-Have you ever kissed someone under fireworks?
no, but i met a girl that i absolutely loved, on a july 4th, and we kinda sat down, secluded from people, and watched them. epic night. FUCKING BOSS!
-What is the last non alcoholic beverage you had?
i fucks with that coca-cola!
-I bet you miss somebody right now?
yuppers.
-Do you get high a lot?
IF ONLY!
-Do you have a box where you keep all your important things?
i have a suitcase, as well as a big, case type of thing where i keep things from my past that i cherish, or bring back memories that i sometimes go through, due to my terrible memory. i like to reminisce, and jog my memory.
-How many times have you dyed your hair?
twice or thrice.
-Can you count past 100?
does a bear shit in the woods?(that's my answer, or question 131 if you wanna answer that)
-If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
maybe. boy scouts taught me a good bit, as did Bear Grylls!
-Is there someone you can tell anything to?
eh, somewhat.
-Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
if i had to choose one, it would be the ocean, you get waves!
-Ever liked someone whose last name started with a B?
i don't stick around for last names.
-Ever really cried your heart out?
i'm sure many, but one time especially when my first dog died. very sad day.
-Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
no way. i'm a drunkard drug head now!
-Is there a difference between love and IN love?
of course. you LOVE your mother right?! but HOPEFULLY your not IN LOVE with her, if so, move to europe, i heard that it's legal there.
-Have you ever been on a motorcycle?
dirtbike?
-Does it bother you when someone says they will call you and they don't?
not really.
-What were you wearing during your last kiss?
gym shorts and a shirt.
-Did 2008 treat you good?
fuck yeah.
-Do you think you were raised well?
yeah, my parents raised me swell. beat that.
-Where was the last place you were sick? When?
i dunno. i don't get like ill, sick, often. but i do puke occasionally.
-What's your favorite super-hero?
probably batman.
-Can you say the alphabet backward?
almost.
-Pen or pencil?
depends on the pen or pencil.
-Does it matter if your boyfriend/ girlfriend smokes?
used to.
-What's usually colder, your hands or your feet?
hands, i wear long socks, ALWAYS
-Who was the ugliest person you saw today?
this lady at a gas station.
-Will you be dating someone in a month?
dunno.
-Your phone rings, what do you say?
depending on the person, my answer varies from "yeah" to "what up skank(bitch)"
-Who are you texting?
not a soul.
-Is your birthday on a holiday?
IT IS A HOLIDAY!
-When is it?
November 18th. i was conceived on valentine's day. that's my guess. november is 9 months after february.
-Do you cry in romantic movies?
i've been known to shed tears during, "Rugrats in Paris".
-Do you always answer your phone?
HELLLLLLL No.
-Are you ticklish?
HOE YEA!
-Who are you talking to right now?
Wiz Khalifa

formspring.me

ask away, at this point, i'll be so honest, your heart will melt!! http://formspring.me/EZKLMCKY

formspring.me

ask away, at this point, i'll be so honest, your heart will melt!! http://formspring.me/EZKLMCKY

blehhh. gayness.

this blog is gay, and i feel so gay for being such a bitch.

i am such an idiot. i fuck shit up for myself. all there is to it.
yeah, getting down on myself wont fix my problems, but it feels good to get it out there.
i am at a loss for words...i really don't know what to say.

pewpty pewpty pants!

it's almost summer, i'm super excited!
ready for some fun in the sun, as well with friends.
CRASHING PARTIES and shiiit.

but, gonna be rolling without two of my buds...kinda gay, but they are going to make something out of their lives, so i cant blame em!

had a good talk with one, he's definitely right.
gotta stick to my guns!

that's all for now, peace out kiddz.

hurting.

this day was ultra-challenging.

i put my heart into something, just for it to be stepped on again!
why try?
i care and when i care, i care HARD! i can't help it.
the weight of the world is on me, i feel like the greek god Atlas.
my shoulders can only bare the weight of so much!
this day, i can only go forward and up from here.

this showed me who my friends were, ALWAYS willing to share a laugh with me.
the reality has just sunk, some of my friends are leaving soon,
no matter how much we hate each other some times, we are friends.
my life isn't over, no, far from it.
IT'S JUST BEGINNING!

"blog o tron"

one life to live, so why not try shit?

some people are assholes most of the time, people just accept it.
some people are assholes sometimes and they are the devil.

people keep arsenal's in their minds, just to use to their advantage.
supreme beings, are superior to my insecure mind.

apparently some people who have live 10 years more than me on this earth, have it alllll figured out.
getthefuckouttahere.

some people who "live" more than others, are supreme.
the way i "live" is different.
getthefuckoverit

just thought i would POUR some emotions out for you, because i actually can.

ALLLMOOOSSSST One Year.

Almost ONE year since i have graduated and many people, including myself, didn't think that i wouldn't have gone to school.

i think i said that last sentence how i wanted to, but it's late. forgive me?!

this was an amazing year without stressing over school work, making deadlines, staying up late studying and being a big time procrastinator. i have tried to explore my options, figure out what i can do, what will make me happy.

one of my favorite lines from a song is by KiD CuDi,
"I'm in the pursuit of happiness, and i know, everything that shines aint always gonna be gold..."
Such a good song, i know the basis of it doesn't apply to my life, but it still has some strong points.
In normal fashion, this blog comes lattteeeeee at night, more like early in the morning. i like to keep those who track my brain, in touch.

i'm going to new york with three friends. two are very good friends of mine, who are joinin the Marine Corps in May, so this is like a last hurrah with them. The other is not a super good friend, but we are friends. Hopefully, this will build a stronger friendship with him, he's a cool ass kid. Maybe i can teach him some things, if not, at LEAST fill his mind with something useful, i would like to think i'm at LEAST good enough for that! haha.

i feel as if i am ramblin on, but it is my blog so, good for me. my parents have dropped the bomb shell on me, so to speak, they want me to start paying rent, so i think they are tired of my face! 19 years of such beauty will do that to people. haha, but maybe if i can get this second job here soon, i can get some roommates together and move in with some friends. thats the next big step in my life. i'm NOT going to waste time applying for classes this summer tho, i could REALLY catch up on some school. i miss it.

good day all. if you read this. i love you. truly. HUGGGS!

decisions, decisions.

dear internets, i'm sorry. but some of yall people, don't yall know that tatoos are permanent? any way of getting them off are super expensive! shame, some of yall get the DUMBEST SHIT tattooed on your bodies! no one in general, but STARS and 'YOUR NAME'! come on now, yall can do better. i don't know about my fellow man, but the lower back tattoo, i don't find it pretty. stupid random stars, or butterflies, that's the type of shit we would draw on our skin as kids. COME ON! please people, this is your body! i'm not saying that, because you have anything like this, your a super stupid skank, i just can't find any justification behind it. sure you 'LIKE' it, but that shit is with you for a long time. get something tattooed on your body that MEANS something! a star with some swirlies is kinda stupid to make you remember a person, or point in your life. this is me just expressing my opinion, if you don't like it, good, that's why its an opinion. love//

twitter.formspring.blog.

these are the places my thoughts go. i have a good blog coming soon, once i get MY computer back up and functional, i will be on that piece typing up another blog. not sure anyone will read the new one, of this one as a matter of fact, but just informing. trying to change my life. college?

Live Ya Life!

listen. take everyday, and take ADVANTAGE of it! DON'T LIVE YOUR LIFE IN REGRET, asking "What IF?!" DO! DON'T Stand By! Don't let others tell you how to live your life, don't attempt to fit in "The Crowd" stand alone, be yourself, go crazy. If no one is dancing on the floor, DANCE ALONE! MARCH TO THE BEAT OF YOUR OWN DRUM! NEVER EVER EVER live your life to satisfy someone else's wants or expectations. Live for YOU!

optimism. or. pessimism.

people always say be positive about a situation.
sometimes being positive causes more pain than being negative.
being blunt is sometimes the way to approach things.

glass half full? glass half empty?

when you think positive about a situation,
and the end result is the opposite of what you wanted,
it hurts that much more.