hating the holidays

i think i have finally realized why this christmas, i have been such a scrooge.
i feel like a complete loser, and this is how i look to other people.
sure, we all say we don't care what people say, that is bologna.

i see friends from school, church, and teachers and they are all like "oh, HEYY, home for christmas break??" and i have to tell them, "oh no, i am a loser and didn't go to college", basically trying to joke about it, even tho i am completely being honest. it sucks. finding your way in the real world, blows. i have a part time job, i'm over-weight, TECHNICALLY, "OBESE" and am not attending school. people love to dish out advice, and i appreciate it, but stop. please. it drives me up a wall.

i make a decision every day, and i question it all the time. now that i look at where i am now, maybe i should have gone to school, SOMEWHERE. probably the biggest regret of my young life.

on top of the shit-sundae that is currently my life, one of my plans that seemed set in concrete, changed. and now i am forced to switch gears. sucks big hairy toes.

i am a self-hating, baby. plain and simple. i have to put my feelings like this, otherwise, my mind won't attempt to make a change.
SO WHAT if all if do is whine, i didn't ask for your pity, and never will i. life has hit me like a ton of bricks, but guess what, i'm still smiling.

pfft.

i was about to blog the hell out of this post...but forgot what i was going to talk about.
frick.

this one person.

i'm probably the worst at taking hints, signs.
i understand that we are good friends, but is there more?!

my feelings seem to grow day after day, smile after smile.
but when you read into a situation all wrong, that makes the rejection, all that worse.

paralyzing fear of rejection turns into a fear to act.
failure to act, results in loss.

this girl has won over my heart. plain and simple.

i tried to write this in a better way.

fuck loneliness.
when those around you are happy, it's the hardest to stay optimistic.

Downtown, Charleston

I love downtown, for so many reasons.
it provides constant entertainment, even if i can't go to bars.

You can always laugh at drunk girls getting drug home, by guys who weigh at least 50 pounds less than them.
Enjoy the stumbling girls, walking around bare foot.
Check out the old ass churches, and look for ghosts.
Re-Visit the site of the triumvirate's previous escapade.
Yell in Tagalog at a group of random Filipino's chillin by the Battery.
Watch as people go by, STARRRRING at your hat.
Chill on a bench, explaining the difference between Ass-Types."
Chat it up with a drunk Navy guy, who had sunglasses on, at 1 in the morning.
or you could always walk, 2.5 or so miles to get Nathan's car, which got towed, and get a Police Car escort to take us safely through the "Ghetto".
good times.

Karma is a BITCH!

some people just go around looking for trouble.
i'm sitting downtown, laughing at drunk floosies with Nasty Nate and Farmer Willy, when out of no where some "tough" guys, 5 of them in a car, decide to drive by and talk shit, CONTINUALLY!
they did it at least 4 times, until we ran after their car and Nathan bitch slapped one of them with his hat and was amazed at how fast i ran for a big guy...but that's besides the point.

so we wait on the other side of the street, they come along IN A NEW CAR! still talking shit, they do it 3 more times, we chase, they speed down the road, continuing to talk shit...at the END of the road...

THEN, we catch them slipping, they are coming up a road, we are walking down, i get in the middle of the road, they are scared shitless, and stop, not knowing what to do. so im like, "What's up Guys?!?, See what all that shit talking gets you?" and the passenger has a stick like he's gonna whoop my ass with it. The driver decides to be a smart ass and act as if he can't hear me, so i go to open his door and he PEEEELLLLS out, hits a cobblestone road, loses control, almost hits some people, and SAAALLLLAAAAMMMS into a big ass green dumpster! Then the smart guy tries to leave, but is stuck...

They stayed there, while were half in shock, half laughing our asses off. Then people in the bar knock on the window and are laughing at them from inside. NONE of the guys would get out of the car. This just goes to show how far shit talking gets you. The cops come, and tell the kids "Tell me the truth, or your going to jail..." needless to say they almost pissed their pants and fess up to talking shit and looking for trouble. We needed not to press charges, Karma took care of them.

...Oh yeah, then we go to Lil' Cricket there is this drunk bitch who stumbles out of the bathroom asking for grape juice! she is GONE and stumbling around, the clerk at the store is having a ball laughing at her dumb ass. she said nathan had a small dick! haha.

THEN on Market Street, on our way back to King Street, there is the violinist man and some guy decides to start beat boxing by him...needless to say, every drunk guy who got kicked out of the bars thought they could rhyme. it was quite a night. and i was standing next to Cherelle going along with the free stylers, and i look and was like, "Ooh, some brown skin...Cherelle!!" haha. good to see my friend since Kindergarden. This was quite an eventful, and excellent night.

my generation.

we raise our children in a society where it is okay to be rude, or lay your hands on a woman, just SINCERRRRLY apologize, and you are in the right.

we raise our children in a society where it is ok to sin, but remember to repent, and god will love you again.

we raise our children in a society where they can be whiny, rude ass, little shits and say they have A.D.H.D., pop a pill and turn them into zombies.

we raise our children in a society where they can have problems, and be a piece of shit, but its because they have a problem, or father dearest wasn't around.

-maybe its not our generation, per se, but HOW we raise this generation, as well as WHO they model themselves after.-

ugh.

how could i be so stupid?
i push and push and push, expecting the outcome i WANT.
i try to force things, that aren't there.
this FUCKING LIFE OF MINE IS DRIVING ME OVER THE EDGE!

sure i would like for certain things to go certain ways, but like my dad always told me,
"You can want in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills faster."

and this thing called love??
dont get me started...

FUCK FUCK FUCKKK!
seriously, what if i dont want to go to college?! i'm tired of succeeding!
is 12 years not enough for you bastards! GOD DAMNIT!

i'm just rambling now, and i have no earthly idea what im writing....

effn' life.

i dunno what it holds.
at this point its a great mystery.
guts spilled out with a keyboard, and friendships strained.
future just as foggy as ever.
contemplating ending it.
just disappearing off the face of the map.

what the hell am i to do.

Cheyenne Woods

is SUCH a undiscovered hottie.
i just saw her, beautiful.
i love her skin color, and her hair! AHH!
she is beautiful, why play golf when you can be a model or something with that beauty! lovely.

facial hair.

Why can't i grow any that is BAD ASS! i would like to do stuff with my facial hair, but i have one side burn that grows thick and one that does not grow very well.


is there like fertilizer for my face.
planning on getting ears gauged, lips pierced, tatoos soon.
i'm tired of wishing i had some, i love them!
i spit on you nay-sayers and those who have NAME tatoos.
yucky

r.i.p. michael jackson.

GO 'HEAD MISS CALIFORNIA!!

I CANNOT believe that people are against her for sticking to her guns!!
She stuck to the lessons she was raised on, and DIDN'T sell out to make PEREZ HILTON happy!!!

I mean i KNOW our country is digging itself outta the crapper right now, but when did PEREZ HILTON become some great person that should be judging a Miss America contest. [S]He is upset because she opposes gay marriage, but those are the morals she was brought up with and it takes more guts to stand alone than to follow the crowd! He thinks she should say what other people want to hear, THAT'S what a REAL Miss America would have done. She would have been a follower, afraid to break away from the pack. AND I APPLAUD her for not selling out! Her parents should be SO PROUD of her!

Taking Things Literally

Ever wonder when people are jokingly saying things, if they really mean it?
That concept continues to perplex me. Sometimes they are joking, or are they?

I dunno when to take things literally and when to take it as a joke.

Growing Up...

no matter how cliche it sounds, is scary mann.

what am i to do? friends lost, new state, the CITY!?
i dunno what i will do without my gas stations, country bumpkins, and TERRIBLE DRIVERS.


this is the start of a new chapter of my life, it feels like i just stepped foot into Stall High School and the first thing most upperclassman and teachers said to me is, "You're Sunny's brother aren't you??"

haha, good times.
i miss allllll of my friends, even if we havent hung out in FOUR YEARS, i blame myself and myself only! LETS MAKE THE MOST OF THIS TIME WE HAVE TOGETHER, SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON!

honestly, i want to hang with all of you, talk, txt, myspace, facebook, i dont care.



K.I.
T

[Keep In Touch]




843-819-4383

this day filled my SOUL with hope...

to walk around my school at 12:00 o'clock in the afternoon of January 20th, 2009 and see EVERY available TV and computer screen tuned into the 44th President of the United States of America's Inauguration was so shocking. I had almost seriously lost all hope in our generation, but to see EVERY student of my school actually listening to President Obama, made me so hopeful for our future.

Hopeful, that maybe one day our generation can live up to the expectations placed upon us and that we all can know that anything is possible, ANYTHING!

Hopeful, that everyone will seriously believe that anything is possible and that there is NO limitations to what you can do, not the color of your skin, your heritage, or how you were raised.


Hopeful, that the racism that flows through the veins of the people in our country can run dry and that we can all work together, hopefully spilling out to the rest of the world and planting roots for a renewed hope of peace.


Hopeful, that the next four years of my life, will be the greatest and the U.S.A. will rise from the funk it is currently in and rise to power again and be an example for the world.


Hopeful, that after four years of change and upcoming, that four more years will follow and improve the nation more.