pondering this thing called life.

i tried to talk to some people tonight. i asked them, "have yall ever pondered life?" and they laughed at me, thinking i was joking around. but i was completely serious. have you? life is this vast thing, that NO ONE has a grip on.

there are sooooooo many variables to it. this could happen and as a result, THIS could happen, or something else. its perplexing. people talk about soul mates, but that's just fuckin improbable. there are BILLIONS of people on this rotating beach ball, and there just happens to be that ONEEEE person, you are destined to be with? i don't understand that one bit.

maybe that's what it is, its not that its complex, it's just the fact that i don't understand so many things that happen.

think about yourself, as a human being, now think about looking down at one person from an airplane that's 37,000 feet in the air. Now, imagine looking at that plane from a spaceship, what about looking at that spaceship from a galaxy far, far, away. we are a mere speck of dust in this universe. when i get to thinking about all of this, i freak out. its almost incomprehensible. i just confused myself from all of the confusion in this life.

just something that has been on my chest all night. this all came from me laying down, looking up at the moon. it looked like it was giving me the peace sign. hah, how nuts.

Dear Blog-A-Tron,

my, how long it has been. i've been grinding like crazy son. working, sleeping, working, blowing all my money. yeah. i have two jobs, yet STILL find a way to remain broke. sighhh. well i'm smiling if you have read this, but don't mind if you haven't. as if you we're going to read that part and realize that i don't mind.

music to check out: Childish Gambin0-Culdesac(is the mixtape name)--STS-Sole Music--Maroon 5-Hands All Over

that is all for now. IRON MAN 2 out on DVD/BLU-RAY tomorrow, you should cop that shit.
but yeah, that is all for now. somewhat more of a positive tone with this blog. i love you all. deeply.

hopefully, i'm serious this time.

i always have these "DEVINE REVELATIONS" early in the morning, plan to change my ways, and when i get up the next morning, i forget all about them.

hopefully, i really am serious about it this time. i just feel like i'm spiraling into this person, so familiar, but who i don't want to be. grr. i'm seriously going to attempt, as one part of the change, to stop drinking soda, TOTALLY! i tried it before, and realized without thinking, i went to order some food, and instinctively got soda. it shouldn't be like that. and my mind was like, well, it would be a shame to waste that! how terrible. i really hope that it goes well. and support is always welcome. shit, it's hard to do things without support. loves yall very much, especially if you read my blogs. sorry it's been a while since i last posted, been SOMEWHAT busy. drop love lines onto my phone, and i will kiss your face like an italian man. 843.819.4383

130 questions of FUN!

-130 questions, promise you won't lie?
maybe.
-Is the last person you texted single?
YES
-Do you get jealous easily?
OH YEAH!
-Are you wasting your time on the person you like?
nope
-What are you currently waiting for?
USA-GHANA! 2:30 PM!
-Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
future
-Who's the last guy you talked to?
in person, Eric.
-Be honest, have you cried recently? When? Why?
not so sure. but i prolly did.
-Honestly, do you really love the last person you said I love you too?
Yes. i DO love my mother!
-Is anything wrong with your eyes?
besides big BAGS under them, nope.
-Have you ever received a love letter more than a page long?
describe, "love letter", i mean, i have gotten 4 page letters, but not really, "love letters"
-Who's thinking about you right now?
she knows who she is.
-Last person you got a text from was who? What did it say?
Kendra- :( i miss my crush.
-Is this year the best year of your life?
i won't know til i'm dead.
-How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
FUCKING BOSS.<<(not my answer, but i loved it so much, i kept it)
-Do you go to the tanning bed on a regular basis?
fuck no!
-Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
oh yeah.
-July 4th or St. Patrick's Day?
i like the smell of fireworks.
-Are you comfortable with your height?
wish i was 4-6 inches taller.
-Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
possibly. imma tough cookie.
-Do you like thunderstorms?
FUCKIN BOSS!<<<(that is my answer, i like that term)
-Who is your current boyfriend/girlfriend?
my blackberry, its name is BlackBerry Bold 9000 White Edition.
-How fast does your mood change?
like an F1 car.
-Are there things that can't be joked about with you?
not really.
-What do you always take with you?
my current girlfriend, empty wallet with no cash.
-Anything on your walls?
shelves, flags.
-Do you crack your knuckles?
i crack my knuckles, neck,back,knees,ankles,wrist.
-Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?
not at all.
-Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
whale sharks.
-Does anyone know your passwords besides you?
maybe, i think my parents do, so as if i ever die, god forbid it be soon, they can read what people have to say, and to announce my death, as if it were me actually saying things.
-Have you ever kissed someone under fireworks?
no, but i met a girl that i absolutely loved, on a july 4th, and we kinda sat down, secluded from people, and watched them. epic night. FUCKING BOSS!
-What is the last non alcoholic beverage you had?
i fucks with that coca-cola!
-I bet you miss somebody right now?
yuppers.
-Do you get high a lot?
IF ONLY!
-Do you have a box where you keep all your important things?
i have a suitcase, as well as a big, case type of thing where i keep things from my past that i cherish, or bring back memories that i sometimes go through, due to my terrible memory. i like to reminisce, and jog my memory.
-How many times have you dyed your hair?
twice or thrice.
-Can you count past 100?
does a bear shit in the woods?(that's my answer, or question 131 if you wanna answer that)
-If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
maybe. boy scouts taught me a good bit, as did Bear Grylls!
-Is there someone you can tell anything to?
eh, somewhat.
-Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
if i had to choose one, it would be the ocean, you get waves!
-Ever liked someone whose last name started with a B?
i don't stick around for last names.
-Ever really cried your heart out?
i'm sure many, but one time especially when my first dog died. very sad day.
-Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
no way. i'm a drunkard drug head now!
-Is there a difference between love and IN love?
of course. you LOVE your mother right?! but HOPEFULLY your not IN LOVE with her, if so, move to europe, i heard that it's legal there.
-Have you ever been on a motorcycle?
dirtbike?
-Does it bother you when someone says they will call you and they don't?
not really.
-What were you wearing during your last kiss?
gym shorts and a shirt.
-Did 2008 treat you good?
fuck yeah.
-Do you think you were raised well?
yeah, my parents raised me swell. beat that.
-Where was the last place you were sick? When?
i dunno. i don't get like ill, sick, often. but i do puke occasionally.
-What's your favorite super-hero?
probably batman.
-Can you say the alphabet backward?
almost.
-Pen or pencil?
depends on the pen or pencil.
-Does it matter if your boyfriend/ girlfriend smokes?
used to.
-What's usually colder, your hands or your feet?
hands, i wear long socks, ALWAYS
-Who was the ugliest person you saw today?
this lady at a gas station.
-Will you be dating someone in a month?
dunno.
-Your phone rings, what do you say?
depending on the person, my answer varies from "yeah" to "what up skank(bitch)"
-Who are you texting?
not a soul.
-Is your birthday on a holiday?
IT IS A HOLIDAY!
-When is it?
November 18th. i was conceived on valentine's day. that's my guess. november is 9 months after february.
-Do you cry in romantic movies?
i've been known to shed tears during, "Rugrats in Paris".
-Do you always answer your phone?
HELLLLLLL No.
-Are you ticklish?
HOE YEA!
-Who are you talking to right now?
Wiz Khalifa

formspring.me

ask away, at this point, i'll be so honest, your heart will melt!! http://formspring.me/EZKLMCKY

formspring.me

ask away, at this point, i'll be so honest, your heart will melt!! http://formspring.me/EZKLMCKY

blehhh. gayness.

this blog is gay, and i feel so gay for being such a bitch.

i am such an idiot. i fuck shit up for myself. all there is to it.
yeah, getting down on myself wont fix my problems, but it feels good to get it out there.
i am at a loss for words...i really don't know what to say.